I went to go visit a family of a close friend of mine. And that was probably one of the hardest things I've done. I really don't understand why, maybe it's because it brought so many memories and feelings back or reminded me that my heart use to be filled to the brim, even overflowing with happiness back when we would be hooligans together. Whatever the case i miss him so dearly, but not in the "ooo la la! You miss your missionary!" Romantic sort of way. More like in the "I miss my best friend" sort of way. Cause that's what he was. He was my best friend, he would call me in the middle of the night because he could tell I had been struggling. He was the best friend that would text me late at night and see if I wanted to go for a midnight stroll to help get things off my mind. Sure you could see that all romantically, heck I even did sometimes. But what it all comes down to is that he was my bestest friend and I miss him so much. So much that sometimes I trap myself in my room and read his letters over and over. 

I wish so badly sometimes I could push rewind on life and go back to the summer day we made glass flowers at his work, or when I was inside a garbage can and he was pushing me down the halls and turned to sharp making the garbage can with me inside spill onto the floor and all those nights we jammed in his basement with our guitar and lele. Or to our last day together, when we went on a hike to a waterfall and I tried so hard to hide my tears as we said goodbye to each other. 

He said "This will only make us stronger" 

This will only make us stronger