i guess she built her house on the sand

She was on the trail again matching the beat of her heart with the rhythm of her legs. Too many thoughts stuck where she started, she didn't want to turn around and face them. So she kept moving; letting the drops of sweat slide their way down her forehead as Evening Acoustic playlist whispering in her ear making it possible to push forward. She turned the volume up every time those deadly thoughts crept their way back in. Her legs screamed, illustrating how she felt on the inside. Her worn legs gave out on her, too weak to continue. Stumbling on the hard cement she thought how often she has felt this way. This feeling has become apart of her.

She is determined to get up and walk forward.
But it's taking every last bit of effort to not turn her head and look back to all the happy things that made up this past summer.
Maybe soon she will be able to turn around and smile or even laugh at the memories created.

But for right now she feels used and just another number so she learns how to make people believe she is smiling, plays sad songs on her guitar, and how to get out of bed. Soon they will be happy songs and none of that will be a struggle.


She is just too foolish
too foolish with her heart.
Why is it she never learns?
There isn't going to be anything left to give if she keeps this up.


.



When will she do something right for once?

the taste of shooting stars

Sometimes I remember the way his lips tasted like shooting stars, and it makes me smile. And for a moment, the rainy wetness outside is replaced by the memory of that warm summer night. Other times, I remember the way he looked at me as he held his guitar tight while his fingers danced across the strings. And for a moment, I forget that I'm sitting alone watching Netflix on a Tuesday night, 201 miles away. 
Sometimes I just want to set myself free.
But I can't because I don't even have wings
and geographically it's wont work,
money wise it's incredibly impossible,
and age wise it's impossible
it's all impossible.
So I need to stop thinking about it
because it's impossible.

Did I say it"s impossible?
Because I need a reminder of that every 5 minutes or else I get dreaming again.
It wont work.
It was never going to work.

So with my headphones plugged in, I run out beneath the moon bare footed with an aching heart as the heavens share the same emotions with the earth. 

I'm pretty sure no one actually reads this blog anymore.

hello old friend

The rain tapped against her bedroom window like an old friend wanting to get in. And as she rolled over pulling the covers all the way up to her chin, she smiled; her mind raced with flashes of moments in life that are intertwined closely to her heart. Like when she ran to the pond and jumped in fully clothed with her best friend, or when she went on a romantic tandem bike ride with a very classy lady. 
And that time when her brother skyped home and after the greetings he paused and uttered the words "hayes tell me everything", and when she risked her life climbing a beautifully painted rock with someone in love with star wars a little too much. Or when a funny boy asked her to spend the day with him (little did she know it was his birthday), and the time she came downstairs Valentine's day morning to find a big stuffed animal giraffe on the kitchen table waiting for her.
 And especially the moment she leaned over and asked to borrow some paper out of a male's notebook and he replied "only if you write your number inside, that can only make it a fair trade". Or the time her dream came true and she saw the real UP house, and when she finally overcame her fear of singing in front of people and he told her she would be the next Ingrid Michelson. When her best friend told her "I still love you hayles" when all she ever does is mess up.



Life isn't something you "survive" from one big event to the next, it's something you enjoy moment by moment and it is the most beautiful when you take it one little adventure at a time. Her life was absolutely beautiful.

i really want to make cds and swap them with friends.

can we start that again 

please?

one heck of a summer

Someone walks past me

that once familiar scent kisses my nose.

My heart starts fluttering 

as I slowly raise my head 

for a split second I start thinking

my mind races with possibilities 

he came back 

he came back 

he came....

It wasn't him 

somebody else.

How lucky they are 

to carry that sent around with them. 

Goodbye Summer.

My wall has grown ever so slightly with fondest pictures from you.  

If only we could live in Harry Potter's time with moving pictures. 

That would be dreamy  

No, you would not be. DUH

12:21 am

"One time I shaved my arm pits for a girl I met online from Florida" 

12:21 am

21 minutes

1260 seconds

"Goodnight Hayley Whaley...uh how about I just call you Hay Bae? Doesn't sound like a fat joke" 

12:21 am

21 minutes

1260 seconds

2100+ heartbeats 

"So you haven't had a real kiss yet?"

I really like listening to your sleepy voice 

and snapchatting 

more than texting. 

Stepping out of line

We sang my favorite song together. 

And then wrote our own.  

About how we met. 

My heart wouldn't stop pounding in my ears the whole time.  

I didn't know it could be so easy. 

So easy to laugh with you

To sit so close to you

And yet my words get jumbled up when I look you in the eyes. 

I just want to be a broken record 

And get stuck here for a while longer.

That's a one in a million shot I know,  

My fingures are tightly crossed.