Charles

My fingers burn. I've been playing Charles too much and it's putting indents in my fingertips. I guess you could say I'm stressed today, that's usually what makes me turn to Charles. Because I've had him since the thick and thin of moving...the future freaks me out. Not the whole independence and husband with family stuff, it's the whole process of it all and getting there. 

And the unknown. 

But the smell of this jacket and the tunes from my lele calm me. 

i'm in love with this shirt and yesterday...and life right now. 

Also a girl I wrote a letter to gave me a hug today. 

She's like my role model guys. No joke. 

maybe

it's the fact I can't hear anything but the band. 

Maybe it's the way the beat pulses inside my entire body, or the way everyone is nodding to the same rhythm 

Maybe it's because the people that gather there couldn't be more different. 

Maybe it's because the way music brings everyone together just for one night. 

Maybe it's 'cause I feel like the singer is looking right at me or how I feel he is singing straight from the place called my heart. 

Maybe it's because I know I won't be able to hear anything the next day. 

Or maybe it's because I know I will be the good kind of sore tomorrow. 

Maybe it's 'cause I love band t-shirts so much. 

And maybe i want a whole weeks worth of them. 

Maybe it's because I get a fox stamp on my hand every time I step inside. 

Maybe it's how the room turns humid from all the warm bodies jumping up and down to the beat. 

Whatever it is

--->I'm a concert druggie<--- 

Or maybe, just maybe it's because there are memories on those walls that are decorated so lovely like. 

Come to the velour with me. 

Let's make it our home. 

Because I just want to drive you all mad with lists...here's what pulls at my heart strings

^Watching Austinland with friends

^Late night runs to Wendy's and laughing until it hurts too much 

^You and I- Ingrid Michelason. That one tugs at my heart strings 

^Sugar cookies from the slurp

^People saying how much they care

^The way my dad snaps his fingers whenever he walks up the stairs 

^Snuggling with Jeff the giraffe 

^When my grandma asks me if I have a husband yet

^The rush from a paintbrush sweeping on canvas

^How my parents understand perfectly when I just need a day off 

^Your blue eyes 

^When people laugh at something stupid I said 

^The way your hair smells after a haircut ---> BANGS

^How you can feel yourself slipping into unconsciousness on your soft pillow

^My math tutor. What a guy

^When a song comes on the radio and every fiber in you body wants to turn it up and belt it

^When I get the image of something I want to paint and can see it perfectly

^Getting a back scratch

^That look in people's eyes when they talk about their passions 

^When courage comes and I can spit out what's been torturing my mind

 

Stay classy. 

#sorrynotsorry

Last night I was in the dumps so I re-read my old journals to get some kicks and giggles out of it. But instead of LOLing, my heart began to fill with so much gratitude. I realized how crappy my life was when I lived in Orem. I know you are suppose to look at the positive of your past. But honestly? The only good thing about Orem was that my family was there for me. And even then my brothers were all teenagers and youngsters who wanted to be with friends more than family. There's a lot I don't like to talk about or share with others because I hate remembering it. Now don't think I had a terrible childhood or anything, my childhood was wonderful! But once I hit 6th grade everything changed. 

My friends would start to invite me to sleepovers and "parties" that for some reason gave everyone the idea to make stupid choices. They started hanging out with older kids, trying to be cool cause that's all that mattered to them. Being the world's biggest blonde I didn't think anything of it until my dad woke me up, and helped me see through the fog that my friends had created. So I "got out" so to speak and told them I was sticking with my standards which led them to ignoring me because that wasn't the cool thing to do. And soon they became people I didn't even recognize anymore. I'm so grateful I woke up, even though it ripped my heart in half to be shut out by your friends you use to play house with, run around with at recess, and swap Polly Pockets with. 

I hung on to my Heavenly Fathers hand through 7th grade. Looking back now I probably was that quiet weird girl in the corner everyone walked past. But that's okay, my Savior was with me through the thick and thin. Then my parents told us we were moving and a massive weight was lifted from me. 

When we moved I was terrified but unbelievably excited for the new adventure that was coming our way and a fresh beginning. My mother was so worried and frantic when we decided to move. She kept saying we were moving to get more space and a nicer home but I knew it was for me. And now look at my life. I have wonderful friends that are to die for, and some even have the bestest blogs out there. I love them dearly and am grateful for the challenge to become better they give everyday! Believe it or not but they accept me too, weirdness and all. I couldn't have asked for anything better. I truly am forever in debt to The Lord for rescuing me and putting me somewhere I belong. 

There still are days I get texts from those old friends that sometime open the wounds back up, and sting. But all I can do is pray they will find their way too. 

Wow this was bold.

#sorrynotsorry  

K bye. 

So that happened

My art teacher threw away every art piece I've ever done in her class by accident

I don't think I've felt so crushed.

How

do you paint something that is cleche not cleche, especially something like flowers? 

How do you become your own person and have your own style when everyone else is trying to do the same thing? 

And how the cheeseburger do you come up with a really good way to ask someone to a dance?!

---> the pressures of AP art, ladies and gentlemen. (And the million of girls asking to morp already) 

If anyone has those answers I would deeply and utterly appreciate it! 

Muchas gracias 

P.s I'm in love with hugs that lift your feet off the ground