Tuesday, April 9, 2013
The clock ticks on, I try to drown it out with my headphones playing soothing indie music. I've lost count of how many days there are left, and I'm glad because that number would be banging around in my head like the crashing waves of the ocean. I know the time is limited, and I try not to worry about it. But all I can focus on now is how to make every moment count.
4 days until the best night comes knocking at my doorstep. I can't even imagine how dashingly handsome you will look, or how much laughter will escape my lungs, or even how the night will end. I do know that at 11:11 I will be wishing for that night to never end. And for the people I'm with will never leave my grasp. Because letting go is too much for me, especially the moments when you think the pain has left, or the longing is over then you hear a song that reads your heart like a book and you can't help but shrivel up and let the tears flow.
It's happened to me more times than I can count. For those you left, for those who left you, and especially for those who have moved into the next life. That's where the blade strikes the deepest. And I know I will join them again, I know I just need to make it through this life correctly and stay on the right path. But some days I just wish they were by my side, having as much fun as I am!
Missing people before they are gone and when they are gone is the same thing. It hurts all the same. All I want is distractions, and this week shall be a great one! I know my mind will be on you because of the big moments that have been happening in our family and you haven't been here to experience them, but what I need to focus on now is happiness. Eternal happiness that is, because without the eternal side I know I wont be walking the path with the right attitude. The only way I can think of achieving this eternal happiness is through my brother and Savior, Jesus Christ.
This past weekend has opened my eyes to so many things! I love General Conference for that, and am sad it is over. There is a special spirit that it creates, because you know that as your watching it millions of other people are too! It is such a neat experience! And I felt in my heart as the Apostles and Prophet spoke that everything they were saying was true. Without a doubt! A major topic they went over was trials, and having enough faith. I know that there will be hardships in my life, and that the pathway back to my Father in heaven wont be a smooth one, but none of that scares me. I am confident in my Lord, and the plan that has been placed before me is what I need in order to return righteously!
I cant express to you how much this past weekend has helped me in a hard trial I have been dealing with. I know that I will return to heaven, and that I have a wonderful little brother there waiting for me and my family. I know that we will be united and become a whole family once again. I love this gospel, and I will strive everyday from now on to be worthy and righteous to return to Quinn. I know he is watching over me, and I can feel him close to me when I am struggling, just like our Savior is when we feel we cant keep going. Never forget the love our God has for us.
This gospel is true, I believe this with all my heart.